


Unmatched Talent

by ItsClydeBitches



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, Pokemon - Freeform, Pokemon GO - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:30:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7545109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsClydeBitches/pseuds/ItsClydeBitches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Preacher. Except they're all playing Pokémon Go. </p>
<p>An expansion of drabble #100 in Unconventional Power.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unmatched Talent

**Author's Note:**

> Check out riverrunscold's [amazing art](http://riverrunscold.tumblr.com/post/148118998940/the-preacher-characters-with-their-starter) that this fic helped inspire <3

Jesse should have known to expect the worst when Cass tumbled into the bar and threw a phone at his face.

 

“Go,” he said, grinning like a loon. Cass plopped into the opposite booth and proceeded to ignore Jesse, staring down at his own cell. The pair looked like they were gently used, and frankly Jesse wasn’t sure he wanted to know where or how Cass had gotten them. He just flipped the iPhone in his palm, tilting his head.

 

“Go where?” he asked.

 

“Anywhere, Padre.” Cass grinned wider. “It’s _Pokémon_ Go.”

 

Jesse’s lips twitched. “You’re not serious.”

 

“You have something better to do in this shite-faced town?”

 

Best to ignore the jab. Jesse just shot Cass a quelling look and booted up the phone. Pokémon Go was the only non-initial app and Jesse shook his head, finding that he apparently already had an account. And a username. He shoved the phone at Cass and pointed to the avatar with “Gods’Bitch” down in the left-hand corner.

 

“ _Cass_.”

 

“Yeh know it’s true. Besides,” Cass chuckled, holding out his own phone. His username was a paired “JTs’Bitch” and it took Jesse a long moment to realize the ‘JT’ wasn’t a name, but rather an abbreviation. Jesse-Tulip.

 

“... you’re forgiven.”

 

“Damn straight I am. Anything nearby?”

 

“A Pidgey.”

 

“Jesus fuck I’ve got twenty.”

 

***

 

Jesse ended up getting Tulip a cell in the same manner Cass had gotten him his—that was to say, illegally, forcibly, and in a manner that Emily was _never_ to know about. They’d never really had a use for them before, in such a small town. The phones in their private residences had always been more than enough, but Jesse had to admit that this was fairly... addicting.

 

“Now, we’ll need you holdin’ the gym, luv—”

 

“Yeah. While I preach—”

 

“—‘Cause it’s the only damn one around these parts—”

 

“—Cass can’t keep up on his own—”

 

“—Hey! Now wait just a—”

 

“—‘cause he’s only got a Rattata with a CP lower than dirt.”

 

Cass fixed Jesse with a glare. “I’ll have you know I love tha’ bastard. My son. Dearly. How _dare_ you insult him.”

 

“You’re right. How did I possibly miss the resemblance?”

 

Tulip ignored them both. She was sitting crossed-legged on Emily’s couch, phone in hand, the three of them waiting for Emily to come back with a bunch of church candles, ripe for decoration and causing fires. Though the game obviously held her attention over church supplies. She slowly lifted her leg to rest her chin on her knee, tongue poking out.

 

“Just do it for Team Red,” Jesse finished solemnly. Cass nodded.

 

Tulip, however, smirked. She didn’t say a word, just stood and showed them her “QueenBitch” avatar. Tulip had reached the doorway by the time Emily got back. She paused, leaned close, and whispered something in her ear. Both boys watched Emily’s eyes light up, grinning.

 

Cass turned to Jesse, slowly. “We’re landin’ in a spot a’ trouble, aren’t we?”

 

“...Yep.”

 

***

 

Here’s the thing about Annville: it’s small.

 

_Really_ fucking small. With absolutely _nothing_ in it.

 

“Gas station should be a spot,” Cass grumbled, poking ineffectively at the screen.

 

Jesse snorted. He drank a beer with one hand and twisted his phone with the other, trying to get his damn avatar to walk without, you know, actually walking. “Why the hell should it be? Not a historical landmark or anything.”

 

“Ah, how wrong you are, padre. This here stop is where yours truly dropped the dump to end all dumps. It was Guinness Records kind of shit, lemme tell you. Ha... shit.”

 

“Fucking hell, Cass.”

 

“ _Bloody_ —!” He flailed, miming throwing his phone. It looked to Jesse like Cass only barely restrained himself actually chucking the thing. “Out of fucking balls again!”

 

“That can’t be taken the wrong way...” Jesse murmured into his bottle.

 

Cass was about to retort when the roar of an engine sounded. Out on the road they just caught sight of Emily’s cheap SUV flooring past, Tulip in the driver’s seat, giving them the finger while Emily waved all too pleasantly. They flew by faster than that piece of junk was probably built for. Jesse and Cass both looked to their phones.

 

“They’re heading to the one pokéspot,” Jesse sighed.

 

“We should go!”

 

“Truck’s busted.”

 

“The—”

 

“Van is too. _Someone_ ran over two ‘clones.’” Jesse used air quotes, sneering.

 

“...Ah.” Cass looked at his shoes. “Walk then?”

 

“Yeah. Alright.”

 

They were barely ten yards down the dirt road when Cass nodded to himself. “They’re gonna drive back an’ laugh at us.”

 

“Sure are. Fuck. ‘Nother Weedle.”

 

“Tiny bastards.”

 

***

 

“Good job, BakerBitch.”

 

Emily rolled her eyes. Still, she was smiling—the extra fifty points had finally gotten her to level 5. Tulip gave her a celebratory punch in the arm before getting back in the car. They’d parked at the Annville’s city limit sign for about an hour, stocking up on supplies as much as they could. Emily had brought some watermelon slices, Tulip had provided the beer. Honestly, they’d bonded more over how to fix the “Failed to get game data from server” message than they had in three awkward dinners combined. Emily put her feet on the dash, skirt hiking up.

 

“I want—what was it?—Mystic now?” she asked.

 

Tulip grinned. “There you go. I’ll have us back at the church in no time.” She slammed on the gas, a sharp whistle sounding through the open windows.

 

“Why’d you choose this team?”

 

“Wasn’t the boys’ red.”

 

“... right.”

 

“Also liked the look of that woman’s silhouette. _Damn_ she was fine.”

 

They did pass Jesse and Cass on their way back. Emily waved her phone at them as Tulip roared,

 

“Game’s on, boys!”

 

***

 

They only got one pokéball each. Then they needed to head back. Cass wasted his on a missed throw.

 

Jesse caught a Sandshrew.

 

“I’m naming her Tulip.”

 

***

 

The Great Gym Battle of Annville raged for days. Mystic had the advantage of their pokéstop and Emily’s kids (who had honestly never expected their mom to _demand_ that they play games). Valor had a few days head start and the fact that both insomniac members actually lived in the gym. The colors bounced back and forth like strobe lights.

 

When Sunday came around and Jesse saw the attendance, for a moment he felt real, heart-warming pride... until he realized that everyone was sneaking glances at their phones.

 

“Not like I can blame them,” he sighed and started the sermon.

 

It was afterwards that he found Eugene loitering in the doorway. There _was_ actual work to be done. Jesse passed his phone off to Cass with practiced ease and he jogged up to the balcony, already beginning to fight on both accounts at once. Apparently this was what spending a decade developing ambidexterity came to.

 

“Eugene,” Jesse said, gesturing for him to sit. “Something on your mind?”

 

Eugene fidgeted. “No, Preacher. Well yes. Maybe. I...” spittle flew as he rambled, and then Eugene launched into a spiel that was now becoming very familiar: how he didn’t know what to do in school anymore, couldn’t interact with his classmates, he was still sitting alone at lunch—

 

Jesse wasn’t one for invading personal space (though fights had their own rules, of course), but he still reached across Eugene, snagging the cell that poked out from his jean pocket. While the boy looked on dumbly Jesse installed the app and booted it up. He tossed it back to Eugene, clapping him on the shoulder.

 

“That’ll help you make friends. Just don’t come confessin’ about how you murdered someone for grabbing your Squirtle or something.”

 

“...what?”

 

“We done here? Great. Cass! Gimme some good news!”

 

***

 

A week later Sheriff Root caught the Caterpie, nodding in satisfaction. He turned the screen so Jesse could see. “Cute lil’ bugger, isn’t he?”

 

Jesse made a noncommittal sound.

 

“Well, Preacher, suppose there’s good news an’ bad news when it comes to Eugene. Always is. Good news is he’s made friends with some boys. Went off hunting together in some damn drain pipe or something—like I wouldn’t know about that. Probably think they can catch them water types in a freakin’ puddle.”

 

“I’m glade to hear it, Sheriff,” Jesse said, wondering if there _were_ water types over there. Might be worth a look. “What’s the bad news then?”

 

“Damn boy joined Instinct.”

 

“...Oh.”

 

“Also named his avatar ‘Eugene.’ I honestly worry about him sometimes.”

 

***

 

Emily was so proud of her Butterfree. She showed it to Tulip, black edging and red eyes, just like Tulip’s sunglasses. It appeared flimsy, but had one of the highest CPs in her collection.

 

“It’s you,” Emily smirked, and she recognized the happiness in Tulip’s glare.

 

***

 

Cass woke Jesse up at 3:00am to shove a flapping Magikarp in his face.

 

“Thas’ you,” he drawled and got hit for his trouble.

 

***

 

They watched Emily and Tulip leaning on either side of the church doors, methodically dismantling their prestige. Cass was trying desperately to charge his phone through the tablet he’d stolen out of Emily’s car.

 

He bit down hard on his lip. “Now hear me out, Padre: if we just use that Genesis ‘a yours to—”

 

“ _No_.”

 

“Fine, fine. Jesus.”

 

***

 

Jesse had his hands up before Emily had even opened her door. “Pure church business, I swear.”

 

She waved a white dishtowel as her flag, stepping aside. Frankly neither of them were in the mood for cordial sniping, not with the annual 5k walk just three days away. Jesse wanted to strangle whatever ancestor had come up with _exercising in Texan heat_ as a way to raise church funds, but tradition was tradition, and his flock would dislike having the walk to complain about, honestly. Didn’t mean Jesse had to look forward to it.

 

Which was why he was more than a little surprised when Emily smiled brightly, gesturing to the posters she’d just had Xeroxed. Rather than the normal lies about “Strong Body! Strong Mind! Strong Faith! Support Annville Church!” that had decorated them in the past, there was now, in large black lettering:

 

**WALK TO HATCH YOUR EGGS!**

(Arceus and Jesus are buds)

($5 entry fee)

 

Jesse stared in awe. “You’re a genius.”

 

“I know. _You_ can post them. Hop to, Preacher.”

 

***

 

“You’re a genius,” Cass said, cackling. For the first time in two days he was actually making headway on Mystic’s gym. He cheered as his Vaporeon wiped the floor with Tulip’s Flareon. “You really _lured_ them away, Padre.”

 

Jesse scowled. “That was my last one, you know. Hurry up and get us the grey already.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, put your Metapod where your mouth is.”

 

***

 

Like all good things though... it felt like some kind of ending when Tulip and Emily both knocked on the church attic’s door, Tulip with her phone ready for Jesse to see the moment he opened it.

 

“We went for a drive,” she announced, leaning to bring Cass into the conversation. “Guess what we found.”

 

“Nothin’ but Pidgey’s I fuckin’ hope,” he grumbled.

 

“Meat and Power,” Emily said, crossing her arms. “They’re _Valor_ ,” and she said that like it was some kind of sickness. “Now I know we’ve got a thing and all going, but...?”

 

Tulip nodded, eyebrows raised. “But enemy of my enemy? Help us claim for Blue and we’ll leave you the church.”

 

“You’ll never keep it,” Jesse pointed out.

 

“Not without help.”

 

“Actually got a thought about that,” Cass muttered, then jerked his head up. “Not that I’m agreein’ to anything!”

 

Emily threw up her hands. “We’ll leave you the church _and_ we’ll take you out to the pokéstop.”

 

“With lures?”

 

“ _One_ lure, you greedy bastard.”

 

Jesse pretended to consider it. He grinned, holding out his hand. “Ladies, you have yourself a deal.”

 

***

 

Jesse set up their base—beer, nachos, and the best folding chairs the church had to offer. Tulip made sure their chargers could pull power from the SUV. Cass was giving his Hypno a curse-laden pet talk. Emily scrolled through her inventory; she’d methodically saved her potions for just this moment.

 

DeBlanc smiled happily down at his newly evolved Beedrill. Fiore’s look was a little more wide-eyed.

 

“What are we _doing_ here?” he demanded.

 

“Just shut up and fight.”

 

Needless to say, Odin Quincannon and his boys didn’t know what hit them.

 

(Except, perhaps, Donnie did. Still reeling from the Bunny incident, he knew _exactly_ who could hand down such a defeat.)

 

(Not that he’d ever admit as much aloud.)

 

***

 

“So now what?” Cass asked. He lay beside Jesse in their bed, happily spinning their red gym around and around.

 

“We should sleep,” Jesse murmured… but then he opened one eye. “Or...”

 

“ _Or?_ ”

 

“Or we could go hunt ghost types and torment the girls with pics of the ones they don’t have yet? ”

 

“Right behind you, Padre.”

 

And they did. Honest to god, it was _only_ about catching them all.

 

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> [Feel free to stop by my tumblr (itsclydebitches) and send me a prompt!]


End file.
